Fanil Fastany Ninety
by Jakindabox
Summary: This could be called the slightly inappropriate stupid funny misadventures of FF9. Rated T for Bad Use of English Words. And doo-doo jokes
1. The Beginnings

** I was bored, and FF9 is my fav FF game of all time, and my first. Copyright to Square Enix, and with help from my friend Vinson. He's Vinsontran23, read his stories, they're pretty funny! **

* * *

Zidane: Say, what's that racket?

Cinna: Um, I'm pretty sure that's the engine.

Zidane: That's nice. (Theatre ship starts falling from sky) AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Baku: Man you're battle stations people!

Blank: We don't have any posts, we just slack off.

Marcus: Dude, didn't you get the memo?

Blank: Well, I'm kind of HALF BLIND here you know!

Marcus: That's because you never take off your eye patch thing, even when you sleep!

Blank: Trust me; you don't wanna see what's behind it.

(Ship crashes into Alexandria Castle)

Baku: Well, here's our stop. Let's get out of here. (Jumps out of ship) Oh right, better park the ship. (Chirp chirp!)

Blank: When did you have THAT installed?

Cinna: We talked about it during the meeting about the memo.

Blank: Oh gee, all because I'm half blind!

Zidane: Let's just get this over wi- (falls) AAAAAAAAAAH!

Marcus: Simon says (falls too) AAAAAAAAAH!

Blank: (falls) AAAAAAAAH!

Cinna: Eh, whatever. (falls) AAAAAAAAH!

(Somewhere in the castle)

Brahne: WHERE MY FOOD?

Alexandria Soldier: I thought you already ate 10 minutes ago!

Brahne: (eats soldier) ME FULL.

Garnet: Mom, stop eating our recruits! We're already down to 5 soldiers not including the Knights of Pluto, and a ship just crashed into the castle!

Brahne: BEATRIX

Beatrix: Yes, you majesty?

Brahne: GET SOLDIERS TO ME, CHECK SHIP

Beatrix: Yes your majesty.

Brahne: TIME FOR FEAST.

(Somewhere in Alexandria town)

Vivi: (looks around) Where am I?

Little Girl: Hiya! (Looks at ticket) Oh! You have a ticket for the play?

Vivi: You mean this paper that has me convinced it's a ticket? Yeah!

LG: To get your ticket stamped, go to the ticket booth. That's below the city, into the Antiworld, then you walk until you see two pathways. Don't go left, that place has mines, go right. You'll see a mine cart, go into that, and it'll take you back to the real world, and into a dungeon. There should be a tent, and that's the ticket booth. Get all that?

Vivi: Can't I just go through main street?

LG: NO! Bye now! (Runs off)

Vivi: People these days. (Five minutes of wandering about) Ah, there's the entrance to the Antiworld. (Walks towards entrance, then hole pops up) Wow, I wasn't expecting that. AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(And now back to the shipmates)

Zidane: Is everyone alright?

Marcus: I think I have a broken arm, Blank snapped his right leg and it's backwards now, and I think Cinna is dead.

Blank: I'm OK. (Stands up, then falls down) I'm not OK!

Cinna: …

Zidane: Well, he was a good friend while he lasted.

Blank: You never even talked to him once!

Zidane: Well, I thought I at least talked to him once.

Marcus: Where's Baku?

Baku: (Steps out of door of ship) Why'd you people take the long way down?

Zidane: I…don't….know.

Marcus: Oh yea, I forgot, I still have this hand grenade in my pocket. (Rummages pocket) Uh-oh.

Zidane: Don't tell me

Marcus: The pin is ou- (Explodes)

Zidane: (sigh) He was a good friend too.

Blank: Can someone help me; my leg is kind of backwards.

Zidane: Sure, lemme get my drill, and a drilling license.

Blank: Something tells me that this won't be good for me.

(Somewhere in the castle, again)

Brahne: YUM. SOLDIERS GOOD.

Beatrix: Your Majesty, we have no more soldiers to defend ourselves.

Brahne: SEND RUSTY, I MEAN STEINER.

Steiner: Yes, my Queen?

Brahne: YOU FIRED!

Steiner: WHAT?!

Brahne: YOU NO HEAR ME? YOU FIRED!

Steiner: NOOOOOOOOO!

Steiner: Knights of Pluto, assemble!

(Sorry, forgot the knight's names)

Knight 1: Yes, Captain?

Steiner: I got fired.

Knight 2: Woohoo! I mean, I am saddened to find our captain fired.

Steiner: Now, I can finally say what I've always wanted to say during my post to you.

Steiner: (Approaches Knight 2) I always hated you when you first were hired.

Knight: Gee Captain, I always thought you thought that.

(Steiner continues on, until the dude who manned the cannons)

Steiner: I always thought you were the best. May your cannons guide you to happiness.

Dojebon(sp): Thanks Captain.

Steiner: NOW YOU'RE ALL FIRED!

KoP: WHOOHOO!

* * *

**Ok, now, do something.**


	2. What are you people doing?

**Yes, I know I ain't the best writer in the whole wide world. Then, why are you reading this? It makes no sense.**

* * *

(At the Antiworld…)

Vivi: Where do I go? (Looks around, sees sign) Let's see: Fire Room, Zombie Room, Ticket Booth, Evil Angry Hobgoblin Room, Secret Entrance to End of Game Room, or (&!# Room. Which do I choose?

(Suddenly, a stranger comes)

Stranger: Use the Force!

Vivi: What? Use what now?

Stranger: Oh shit, Vader's here!

Vader: I have come to kill you Luke.

Vivi: Fire!

(Casts Shit!)

Vader: Ah gross! Now I'm blind! AAAAAH! (Falls into conveniently placed bottomless pit)

Luke: Thanks! I'm Luke, who're you?

Vivi: Vivi Ortiner.

Luke: That's a stupid name! Hahahahahahaha!

Vivi: Blizzard!

(Casts Shit! Again)

Luke: Nooooo! (Falls into the bottomless pit)

Vivi: Now, which room do I go into?

(Shipmates, Ahoy!)

Zidane: We need to get Blank to a hospital quick.

Baku: Nonsense, he can take the pain. Right Blank?

Blank: I can't feel my body anymore

Zidane: Shut up man, or else I make you not feel anything.

Baku: Alright, we're at the hospital.

Zidane: How'd we get here so soon?

Baku: I guess the author didn't feel like giving us an adventure. What a loser.

Jakinthebox: Why you bunch of lousy morons. (Types up crap)

(Hospital replaced by long dangerous road with booby traps and more to hospital)

Zidane: You just HAD to push it, didn't you?

(Somewhere in the middle of nowhere)

Steiner: Must…find…food…or…else…will…dance…self…to…death. (Collapses)

Strange Woman: Hey, sleepy fat ass, wake up!

Steiner: (Wakes up) Huh? What happened?

SW: You collapsed on the ground in from of my house mumbling about crap!

Steiner: How the hell did I get here without food? I'm pretty sure I left the castle 6 hours ago.

SW: Actually, Alexandria Castle is just 5 miles away from here. (Points at Castle)

Steiner: Oh. Lousy map making everything bigger but smaller when interacting.

SW: Oh, I haven't told you my name yet. It's Catherine.

Steiner: Well Catherine, since you have helped me, I suppose I must repay you. Is there anything you need me to help out with?

Catherine: Well, I need someone to deliver Gyshal Greens to everyone.

Steiner: I shall take this job!

Catherine: OK, you're first delivery is at Lindbulm. Here's your Chocobo.

Steiner: Alright. (Climbs on) Away I go!

(Five Minutes Later)

Steiner: No Chocobo, don't go to the volcano! No! AAAAAH! (Jumps off Chocobo, Chocobo falls into lava with a big explosion)

(Back at town)

Steiner: Um, I need a new Chocobo.

Catherine: What happened to your old Chocobo?

Steiner: Let's just say we have Kentucky Fried Chocobo now. Want some?

(Back to the castle and shippy mateys)

Zidane: Oh man, Baku died, but at least Blank is still on…my…aw crap, I forgot him at the cliff hanging on a branch!

Blank: (Wakes up) Whoa, how did I get here?

Zidane: I'm coming Blank, just hang on!

Blank: What is that suppose to be, a comic relief?

(Zidane does physically impossible jump, and swings on convenient rope, grabbing Blank.)

Blank: Dude, how the hell did you do that?

Zidane: Must be the fairies. (FF8 fans should know that)

Blank: (Gets flyswatter) Shoo fairies. (Kills a fairy) Uh-oh. I…didn't do it.

Zidane: Alright hospital, here we come!

(Big Ass Boss Comes)

Zidane: Damit! (BATTLE…?) Whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute. Look over there, a distraction! (Boss looks, Zidane runs into hospital) Sucker!

(Boss waves fist at Zidane)

Zidane: Time for potion time. Alright, let's see the instructions. Hmm, it says here to put antidote first, then smear ointment, snap it back in place, use splint, spray a first-aid health spray, use a Hi-Potion, cast Cure, and that's it.

Blank: I swear, I feel like I'm screwed every time my life is in his hands.

* * *

**What will happen? I don't know, just writing randomly.**


	3. And so we return

**Chapter 3 – Boy, it's Been a Long Time**

**A month or two after finishing chapter 2, Jakindabox(Jakinthebox, but someone stole it) has finally finished Chapter 3(YAY ME!)**

* * *

(And so, we return to our heroes after almost 2-3 months of nothingness. Wait, is that a word? Never mind that. Back to the story.)

Zidane: Oh great, the writer took so long to begin writing again that Blank died! YOU MONSTER!

Jakindabox: Oh shut up dude, I can revive him. (Revives Blank) Then I can put him back to when he was seriously injured. (Injures Blank)

Blank: Ow! Da pain!

Jakindabox: Bye now. (Explodes)

Zidane: Holy crap. What just happened there? Forget it, gotta heal Blank! OK, that should go there, and his leg should be on his head, and oh wait, forgot the brain.

(Ten minutes Forty seconds later)

Zidane: There you go, all patched up now.

Blank: I'm behind you tard, you just treated a dead rat that's been dead for a week.

Zidane: Come on Bob, don't die on me now! (Flat line) WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!

Blank: Oh shut up and heal me dangit.

(Meanwhile, while Steiner was burning chocobos)

Girl whose name I forgot: Oh Steiner, this is the best business I've ever done. Kentucky Fried Chocobo is the best food on the market!

Steiner: Don't thank me ma'am, thank these chocobos and their stupidity.

(Chocobo kicks Steiner in nuts)

Steiner: Ooh, gotta watch out for that leg.

GWNIF: I'm sorry Steiner, you're fired.

Steiner: What!? I made this food!

GWNIF: I'll make more money without you here! Now get outta my house! (Kicks in the nuts, then rolls down off the cliff into the Evil Forest)

Steiner: Aaaaaaaaaah! (cough) aaaaaaaaaah! (hack wheeze) aaaaaaaaaah! (Crash)

(Now about those doors)

Vivi: Holy crap, I just managed to pass all the doors and now I'm in the castle

Soldier: Holy crap, how'd you get there!?

Vivi: More like, how'd you get born! (kicks in nuts) hehehe! (runs away)

Soldier: Hey get back here! (draws sword)

Vivi: Crap! (casts ultima)

Now let me tell you about what happened there. Picture this. A giant rock large enough to destroy Alexandria is thrown and destroys Alexandria, leaving only Vivi, Garnet, and that stupid chef Quina alive somehow.

Vivi: Oh man, I think I just tripped the soldier.

Soldier: ….

Vivi: Well, this is a good time. (Steals wallet) Sucker!

Garnet: What happened? Mom? Oh well. (Steals everything in castle treasury) I'm off to sell these riches for a ripped-off price!

Quina: Derka Derka, Muhammad Jihad! (Grabs fork and starts eating dead people)

Vivi: Oh my god, is that a zombie? FIRAGA! (casts Shitga)

Quina: Shit is rich delicacy in my hometown. Is very rare to find! (eats shit)

Vivi: Holy mother of…

Garnet: Who the hecks there? I have a giant sack of gold, and I'm not afraid to use it. _Not that I would hurt them with you, my treasure._

Vivi: Hey, I think we're suppose to make a party and go vanquish evil or something.

Garnet: Screw that, I need to sell this crap.

Quina: (Moan…a long one.)

* * *

_**And so, our heroes/morons/R-tards continue their quest to do…something. As for me, I shall be in my computer slacking off and suddenly thinking of random things.**_


	4. Uh, where were we?

**Chapter 4**

**Well, heres Chapter 4. Huzzah. I n****eed a beer. Or two.**

* * *

**What happened to our heroes? Let's find out…**

**(Somewhere like 5 miles outside Alexandria 5 minutes ago…)**

Catherine: What's that huge massive orb of destruction coming at us doing there? (…) Oh. AAAAAAAAAAH! Quick, everyone underneath their bed!

(Hides underneath bed)

(Ka-boom) (Ka-boom) (Ka-boom) (Chirp Chirp Ka-boom) (Ka-boom)

Catherine: Wow, I'm still al- (Gets taken away by giant condor)

**(Meanwhile, down at Evil Forest…)**

Steiner: That's you get for stealing my KFC FOO'! Now off to find a way outta here. Hmm, I can't seem to chop down these trees because Square Enix won't let me. Doesn't hurt trying. (Slashes at tree. BATTLE!)

Steiner vs Tree, Steiner 300 HP, Tree 1 HP

Steiner: Bring it on MOFO! (charges at tree, trips on tree roots) Um, this doesn't look too good does it?

Steiner crashes into rock hard tree, Tree loses 1/2 HP, Steiner 299 1/2

Steiner: Since when did we have half healths?

Jakindabox: Since I said so! (explodes again)

Steiner: (Glowing around his body) Oh my god, I think I have AIDS now. NOOOO!

Jakindabox: Hey retard, you're in Trance stupid.

Steiner: Same thing! Noooooo! (Slices Tree in half)

OMFG LVL UP! Steiner gains: 1 EXP, 100 AP

Steiner: OK, just gotta slice through all these trees and I'm outta here.

(Slicing sounds from Steiner's Weak-Ass Broadsword)

**The pile of Alexandrian rubble…**

Vivi: So what do we do now?

Quina: Quina good with eating shit (continues eating)

Garnet: Luckily, we at Alexandria Castle, or what's left of it, have an underground airship! And I'm not letting either of you get on it!

Vivi: Thundaga! (Casts Shit!)

Garnet: Aaaah! Smelliness! My one weakness! (Garnet: 0 HP, Game over…not!)

Vivi: OK, come on shiteater, we're going on a cruise.

Quina: Quina bring food (drags hundreds of bodies onto ship)

**Well, about Zidane and Blank…No, they didn't go Brokeback Mountain. Jeez. **

Zidane: There you go, all patched up.

Blank(muffled voice): Dude, you wrapped me into a ball.

Zidane: Man I knew these rubber bands would come in handy! Onward! (Jumps on Blank)

Blank: OH MY GOD! THE PAIN! IT'S STILL THERE!

Zidane: Now, to rubber band ball myself to victory!

* * *

**What will happen to our fabled heroes? I don't know, get a job! My ideas are random bursts! Now let me explode!**


	5. What should've happened

**Chapter 5 – When Things Go Weird**

**Somewhere in the Evil Forest, in a galaxy far, far away, next to that Taco Bell…**

Steiner: Phew, how many trees do I have to cut? (looks at convient chainsaw back at starting point) Aw crap. I'm commin' chainsaw! (Runs back)

Zidane: Wheeeee!

Blank: AAAAH! DA PAIN!

Zidane: Quit your whining, I see light. Oh god, we're heading into AIDS!

Blank: No you moron, it's Trance!

Zidane: Transvestite?

Blank: No,(ow.) TRANCE! (ow)

Zidane: You get AIDS from Trance? NROOOOO!

Blank: Just shut up.

Zidane: OK.

Steiner: (lifts up chainsaw) Alright, better put on this mask.

Zidane: (bounces to Steiner's place) OH MY GOD! A CHAINSAW CRAZY PERSON! (kicks Steiner in nuts)

Blank: (unwraps himself from rubber bands) Holy crap, it's Rusty!

Steiner: Say that again and your gonna get cut in half!

Blank: I say nothing now.

**In the airship, AIR…SHIP!**

Vivi: Who the heck named it AIR…SHIP?

Garnet: Oh, uh, my mom was being stupid, so she let a retard think of a name.

Quina: Don't bother me. I'm eating.

Vivi: Oh God, how many do you have? (hurls out of airship)

**Uhoh…**

Old Man: Hey, what's that chowder falling down from the air? (Splatty-Splat-Splat) Ew! Oh my god, this is PASMERE YOU JACKASS! (waves fist at Vivi)

Vivi: Oh no you did not! Ultima! (casts Shitima)

**Imagine that you take a dump. Now, image that your inside the toilet when you're doing that. That's what happened to the old man.**

Vivi: Booya!

**Black Waltz No. 1 flies in**

Vivi: Holy shit, when'd you come into the story?

BW1: Forget that, let's fight!

Vivi: 100 HP, Garnet: 90 HP, Quina: 1 HP **Black Waltz: A lot of HP**

Vivi: We're never gonna kill him!

Garnet: Let me summon a Eiodelon! (…Insufficient MP) Bastards!

**Jakindabox: Fine! (Casts Odin)**

**Odin: Die you ugly hobo! (stabs BW1)**

BW1: OW! MY SPLEEN! MY TRUE WEAKNESS! (falls off ship into bottomless pit) Nooooo! Wait I can fly! Haha suckers! (Lightning strikes BW1) Noooooo! (Dies)

Vivi: Asta La Vista, baby.

**So ends another trip down the FF9 Hall. Ka-boom…?**


	6. Some awkward times

**Chapter 6**

**About the others…**

Freya: OMG, when are we going to be in the story?

Amarant: I don't care, I'm still getting paid staying here.

Jakindabox: No you don't.

Amarant: NROOOOOOOOOO!

Eiko: At least your not some little girl with baggy pants!

Amarant: I think you just dissed yourself.

Eiko: Nrooooooooo!

**Air…ship?**

Vivi: Can't this fly any faster?!

Garnet: Uh, it's FREAKING GOING 140 MILES AN HOUR, THAT'S NOT FAST ENOUGH?!

Vivi: SPEED UP! WE CAN GET PAST THE GATE THAT'S CLOSING IN!

(Ship goes faster)

Garnet: I CAN'T FLY AN AIRSHIP!

Vivi: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOONER!

Garnet: I WAS DOING GREAT, BUT THEN THE FEAR HIT ME!

Vivi: HOLY CRA-!

(KA-THUD!)

Vivi: Is everyone alright? Where's Quina?

Garnet: Who?

Vivi: Never mind, let's get going.

(Black Waltz 2 comes)

BW2: You may have defeated my predecessor, but I shall prevail!

Vivi: Look over there!

BW2: Where!? (turns around)

Vivi: Here! (kicks in nuts)

BW2: Bwahahaah! I am a robot! You can not kick me in the balls!

Vivi: I took out your batteries.

BW2: Shutting down…(gew…….)

Garnet: Quick, steal his items!

(10 minutes later…)

Garnet: Okay, carefully put him in the dumpster

(THUD!)

Vivi: Phew, I need a beer.

(Garbage Truck comes)

BW2: Backup battery operation time 5 minutes. Whoa, what's happening!? Aaaah! (Thud)

(Garbage Truck drives away)

Vivi: Well that solves that. Where's that beer?!

Quina:…

Vivi: Man, Quina, you're like not necessary. Why don't you just BLOW UP!?

(Quina explodes)

Vivi: Thank God for that.

* * *

**What happens next? Quina explodes? Why? You're reading this? Why?**


	7. How weird do things get?

Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**W00t! I'm obliging to write longer chapters…at least for a while.**

**Back to the Evil Forest…**

Zidane: Well, how the heck are we gonna get outta this place?

Steiner: Might I sugges-

Blank: Blah blah blah let's kill the boss!

Zidane: Works for me!

Baku: Uh, you guys go ahead, I think I broke my ass, can't fight that well.

Blank: FAT ASS LIAR!

Zidane: Whatever, let's just get going.

**Minutes later…**

Zidane: Phew, it's pretty hard killing these things!

Blank: That's because you have a puny dagger! You know what they say about people with daggers…

Zidane: Shuddup!

Steiner: We must keep moving, so run fattys run!

Blank: Look who's talking! What's inside that armor! (Lunges at Steiner)

Steiner: Aaagh! (Topples to floor)

Blank: hmm, FantasyBoy magazines (don't mind if I take them), some chocolate bars(I'll take some too), and 40 gil. Knights don't get paid much do they?

Zidane: Alright, let's get moving.

Blank: Wait, we need to bring Rusty, he'll be useful as a sacrifice. (Grabs Steiner)

**So, after going through many maps, fighting (but usually running) from many monsters, they reached the end.**

Zidane: ZOMGZ! A giant tentacle monster!

**SUPER MEGA AWESOME BOSS FIGHTnow with special effects**

Blank: HI-YAH! (slashes monster) (**WAH-MO!**)

Zidane: What was that?

Blank: I think it was the sound effects.

Zidane: Let me try! (slashes monster) (**Pooooo.**)

Blank: That wasn't me. Seriously!

Zidane: Friggin' cheesy sound effects.

Steiner: (wakes up) Wu-zat? (Sees giant monster.) Oh…snap.

Zidane: Stall him while we escape! (Throws Steiner toward monster)

**Steiner deals 10,000 damage to tentacle monster**

Zidane: Hmm, he'll be useful later.

**And so, they escaped from the monster…**

Zidane: Pick up the pace, or we'll be magically turned into stone by the forest, which is also turning into stone too! (Monster pops out of nowhere) AAAAGGGH!

Baku: (tackles monster) You didn't think I would just stay and get stone-ified by the forest, did you?

Blank: Uh…let's get going!

**Insert matrix jump out of forest**

**Insert Explosion of Forest**

Zidane: …now what?

**Five minutes after the explosion of Quina…**

Vivi: Uh, now what do we do?

Garnet: We need some main characters.

Vivi: We won't get them until the second disc

**OMG SPOILERS!**

Garnet: Alright, let's go visit my uncle, who just happens to be the king of this city.

Vivi: That's cool! Maybe you can show me your treasure vault

Garnet: Why not!?

Vivi: Hehehe…

**Meeting Regent Cid…**

Regent: Oh I didn't expect you coming here Princess Garnet! Fortunately I have a bed that hasn't been used ever since my wife left me…and stole my money, my airship, and one of my test- uh, one of my…hats.

Garnet: Hey Uncle I'm gonna look around for a bit

Vivi: Is there anything to do in this city?

Regent: Well there's the Festival of Hunt coming up, but it's very dangerous and you may suffer many injuries, such as; diarrhea, upset stomach, fainting, headaches, severe bleeding, AIDS, hepatitis, syphilis, and probably death.

Vivi: Wow, sounds like fun!

Regent: But I just said-

Vivi: I said, IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN!

**Where the hell are we?**

Zidane: Where do we go?

Blank: There that's menacing-looking cave filled with ice cubes. But we should wake up this fat ass so we don't have to carry him.

**After repeatedly beating the fat corpse…**

Steiner: Mommy? Oh wait, it's just you morons.

Baku: These morons hauled your butt outta The Evil Forest, so shuddup!

Zidane: Alright, let's go to the cave!

**Never mind. I got lazy.**

**But it's comeback time again!**


	8. The Slow and Painful Adventure

**The Extremely Slow and Painful De-… Adventure**

Zidane: Wow it's pretty cold in here!

Blank: Oh WHY did I choose to wear this bare clothing? WHY!?

Zidane: You were suppose to be stuck in the forest (OMFGSPOILERS)

Blank: Whatever, let's get going.

Steiner: Hmm, does your tongue really stick to ice walls? (licks the wall)

Uh-oh.

Baku: Oh for the love of!

Zidane: Alright, we'll tackle him with enough force to rip out his tongue! HEAVE HO!!!!!!!!

Steiner: Nuuuuuuuuuh!

**RIP!**

Baku: Crap, I ripped my pants.

Zidane: Well, at least he's off the wall.

**And so, they ventured off further into the cave**

Zidane: It's amazing we haven't gotten hypothermia yet.

Blank: Feeling…so…sleepy…(collapses)

Steiner: Let me take a break next to this deep gorge. Whoops, I tripped. (Falls in)

(Baku falls face down)

Zidane: Not you too Baku!

Baku: Eh? No, I'm just too hungry to move.

Zidane: Fat bastard. Fine, I'll go check up ahead. I ain't coming back for any of you!

**The Festival of the Hunt…pretty boring**

Announcer: It's time for the annual Festival of the Hunt! We've set loose thousands of monsters inside the city (pretty stupid if you ask me) and it's up to all you hunters to get rid of them all, or else we're doomed to being ruled by them. So don't screw up!

Vivi: Alright, it's SHOWTIME!

Announcer: You'll have just 30 minutes to kill whatever you want. And no, there are no bathroom breaks, so everyone who has to go, do it now.

(Half the hunters run off to the bathroom)

???: This should be easy. After all, I've got this long pointy stick.

Vivi: Hmm, maybe I should team up with her. Nah, screw it.

Announcer: Alright, now that MOSTLY everyone's back, it's time to get this thing started!

"On your marks…get set…don't go! Hehe, gotcha all!"

(Gets Shit-ed)

"All right, go already! Agh, the stench!"

Vivi: Outta my way hoboes! (Throws grenade in pack)

Hunter #1: OH SNAPZ! (a-splodes)

Hunter #1353: OH THE PAIN!!!!

Hunter #59073: Agh! Well, at least I saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to GEICO!

Vivi: That's pretty pointless cause all we have are airships. No wonder that was a good deal!

Hunter #59073: THE HUMANITY! (dies)

**Meanwhile, freezing his butt off…**

Zidane: Well, certainly nothing will endanger me here, especially not right now.

(Oh snaps it's a bird, a plane, it's…oh wait, it's just some giant monster with wings and a crappy hat and a staff. Eek!)

Zidane: Well I didn't expect this.

Black Waltz #2: Bwahahahahah! (Summons Sea Lion)

Zidane: Oh gee, way to make it even harder!

BW#2: Now attack Sea Lion!

Zidane: Ugh! (gets knocked away) What's this, I'm glowing again? Why have you come back AIDS!!!! Oh wait, it's Trance. Alright, time to totally own you with some random new skill! (Activates Tidal Flame)

BW#2: OMGIMONFIRE!!! (dies)

Sea Lion: Bwahhaaha, j00 cannot st0p m3h! (ices begins to melt) Nhrrooooooooooo!!

Zidane: Alright, now to melt the rest of this cave! Bwahahahaah!

**Pretty much shit-ing everything up…**

Vivi: Phew, almost done with 5 minutes to spare.

Little Boy: Oh no help me!

(Giant Zanghol in front of him)

Vivi: Oh forget that!

???: You cheap bastard! I'll take him on then! (Jumps up into the air) …This might take a while.

Vivi: (sigh) Fine. Blizzaga! (Uses Shitga – Bean style)

(Zanghol is unconscious)

???: Hyah! OHJEEZIMINSHIT!

Vivi: Whooo I win!

Announcer: Congratulations, you've won the Festival! What would you like?

Vivi: Yu-gi-oh! Trading Cards!

Announcer: Seriously? You could get other stuff ya know.

Vivi: JUST GIVE ME THE CARDS~!

Announcer: Alright here take them! (Runs away)

???: Nice job beating that Zanghol. What's your name?

Vivi: It's Vivi. What about you rat tail…face?

Freya: It's Freya. Anyways, you mind if I accompany you in your quest to do…what are you gonna do now?

Vivi: I have no idea. But sure, why the heck not.

**Finally back again. This one's a bit longer than the others, so it's all good**


End file.
